So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
