dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
