I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
