I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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