I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
