after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
