i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
