Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
