there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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