Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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