That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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