K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
