I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
