Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
