Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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