Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
