um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am available for nakedness
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
