Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize