my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
