Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
