watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
