He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize