I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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