I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
