I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize