mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
