Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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