i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Randomize
