Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize