coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
