There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
