you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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