You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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