i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
