You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
