alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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