the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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