I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
