Where is the hickey?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
