evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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