If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
