She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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