this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
