Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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