Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize