it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
