I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
