Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Randomize