I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
