remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
