let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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