did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
