he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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