I can text with my tongue
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
