I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
