..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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