The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
