captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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