i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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