recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
