he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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