I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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