The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
