I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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