one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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