I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He kissed a someone with a penis
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
