if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
