We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
