What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
