Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
