we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
