Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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