she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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